I am midnight drunk by noon
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
