She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
