Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
