And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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