i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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