My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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