i permit you to call me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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