I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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