i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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