OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
