Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
