Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
