I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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