wake up i wanna do it froggy style
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
