Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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