Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
