So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
