Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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