Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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