Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
