got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
