Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
