MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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