so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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