i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
