her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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