trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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