batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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