Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
