i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
