Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
