He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
