I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
