my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
