So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
