your thong is hanging out like whoa
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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