walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
