Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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