Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
