i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
