You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
