He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
