her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
