I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
