ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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