Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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