Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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