Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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