How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
