So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
