I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize