he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
