I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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