people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
