Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
