Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
