He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
as a side note pls kill me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
