Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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