someone get that fucking seahorse.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
