we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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