I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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