Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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