So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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