Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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