Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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