YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
