My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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