remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
