I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize