He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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