u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
