I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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