I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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