Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
