I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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